Egg Cartons

Styrofoam egg cartons are good for holding eggs. They also excel at holding water, which you may not know, can be turned into ice. Put some water in your empty egg carton, and put that egg carton in the freezer. Soon you will have acquired ice cubes. If you did not wash out your egg carton beforehand, you may also have acquired frozen cubes of salmonella poisoning.

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Window Blinds

Window blinds for the home come in all sorts of colors and designs, and they are generally placed on the inside of the window, normally hanging from the top of the window frame. Blinds are useful for letting the desired amount of sunlight into your home. Not unlike followers of Hari Krishna, sunlight is orange and tends to follow the leader. Without proper management, the light will just keep pouring in like an unending line of Hari Krishna’s, until you’ve got no room for anything else.

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Pumpkin Seeds

Pumpkins have a variety of things inside them, pulp and seeds, and sometimes candles. Candles are usually found after the pumpkin has been killed and gutted. Contrary to popular belief, pumpkin seeds neither cause, nor cure, cancer. Truth be told, pumpkin seeds have nothing to do with cancer at all.

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Toaster Oven

A toaster oven is good for making bread into toast, or making toast into burnt toast, or making burnt toast into a smoke detector testing tool.

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Crock Pot Cooking

The crock pot is one of the best inventions ever invented. Cooking with a crock pot is like an oven inside a time machine. No longer do you need to know when you are hungry for chili. Two hours? A week? It doesn’t matter anymore. Mix up some beans and chili powder, ground beef and vegetables. Put all that stuff in the crock pot with some water and turn it on. If you don’t like chili, try beef stew. If you don’t like beef stew, get your mouth checked out because it is broken.

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Gift Cards

Gift cards come in various amounts, including $1, $5, $20, and $50. A $1 gift card is a nice way of saying “Let’s not be friends anymore”. A $50 gift card is a nice way of saying “I want to remain friends, but I don’t know you that well and I’m really kind of busy right now.”

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Microwave Safety

When using a microwave oven, it is best to operate the microwave with the door to the microwave closed. Also, it is best not to put metal in the microwave. Food is a better option. On the other hand, if the goal is to have a fireworks show, possibly start a fire, or never use that microwave again, it is best to put metal in the microwave.

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