Iced Coffee

Lately iced coffee has become a popular drink. Coffee is meant to be consumed hot. The problem here is the ice. Ice is cold, you see. Putting ice into coffee inevitably causes the temperature of the coffee to drop drastically. The solution to hot iced coffee is simple. First, brew your coffee, and pour it into a cup. If you desire sugar or cream, go ahead and add that now. Take some ice out from the freezer. Go ahead and throw that ice into the trash. Now enjoy your hot beverage.

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Nine Lives of Newspaper

Newspaper has a thousand frugal uses beyond spreading the latest in horrible news. Once you are finished reading how the economy has crashed and you are now broke, put your newspaper to good use. Since you can no longer afford paper towel, having recently been bankrupted by bad news, use that newspaper to soak up that spot where the dog peed. Newspaper can also be used as gift wrap, if you have any money left to purchase one. In an emergency, newspaper can even be used as packing insulation. Get some mice to chew the newspaper up for you.

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Mousetraps

Mousetraps are a perfect way to trap a mouse. First, get yourself a mouse. Your local pet store should have some available for sale. If you have multiple mouse traps, you will need multiple mice. Get yourself a female mouse and a male mouse. Put them in your house, spill some food on the floor and wait about a week. Now that you have lots of mice running around, it’s time to setup your mouse traps. Set the mouse trap on the floor. Put some peanut butter on there and set the trap. Now wait about a week.

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Matchbooks

Contrary to popular belief, matchbooks have no relation to actual books. They are two separate items entirely. A “match book” is a collection of matches, used for starting fires. These should be kept in a safe place, like not next to a stick of dynamite or an arsonist. A “book book”, on the other hand, is a collection of words, which incidentally, can also be used to start fires if you are in an emergency or are a mother who is angry about the information presented in the book.

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Carpet Cleaning

Keeping your carpeting clean is a big deal. Dirty carpeting is the leading cause of heart disease and has been known to cause six different types of cancer, mostly cancer of the foot and toes. The good news is keeping your carpet clean is simple everyday maintenance. Go ahead and buy a vacuum cleaner. Now go ahead and buy a maid to run that vacuum cleaner. Phew, health problems averted!

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Paying Bills and Loneliness

You may notice that bills come, generally by mail, generally every month or so. Generally, you should pay them every month, generally. Sometimes it’s fun not to pay the bills for a while. Especially if you are lonely. Just don’t pay your bills and you will start getting phone calls, sometimes from real people. Now you have someone to chat up.

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Milkshakes

Milkshakes make a tasty treat. They also give you an excuse to use a blender. If you want your milkshakes to taste good, start with some ice cream. Vanilla is a good flavor. Now put some chocolate sauce in there. Chocolate is a better flavor. Add some malted milk mix and some half and half. Now press the blend button and have a nap. When you wake up, or in about 90 seconds, your milkshake will be thoroughly blended and ready to taste great in your mouth.

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